Dear Brian,
I had a crazy dream about you last night. It was so real, when I woke up I couldnt help but think that maybe your not gone that you are still here and that I could call you up and talk to you, but then as I came to my reality i realized that you are in fact not here and that I cant hear you sweet voice anymore. I have been ok for the most part with how life is going, until now. This morning has been one of the hardest and I am not sure why. I love and miss you so much. I have found a song that describes somewhat whats going on but not really its calls "Crying for Me" here are the lyrics:
Got the news on Friday morning
But a tear I couldn't find
You showed me how I am supposed to live
Now you showed me how to die
I was lost til Sunday morning
I woke up to face my fear
While writing you this goodbye song I found a tear
I'm gonna miss that smile
I'm gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you wanna be
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you
Im cryin' for me
I got up and dialed your number
and your voice came on the line
That old familiar message
Ive heard a thousand times
It just said, sorry that I missed you
Leave a message and God bless
I know you think I'm crazy
But I just had to hear your voice, I guess
I'm gonna miss that smile
I'm gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you wanna be
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for ya
Im cryin' for me
Ohhh
So play your upside-down, left handed
Backwards bass guitar
I'll see you on the other side superstar
I'm gonna miss that smile
I'm gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you wanna be
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you
Im cryin' for me
I'm still cryin'
I'm cryin' for me
Oh
I'm still cryin'
So it kinda says how I feel but not really. I have alot of anxiety and I am not sure why, I just want it to go away!!!
I love ya tons Bri! Hope all is well!
Love,
Teasha
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
6 months...WHAT?!?
Dear Brian,
I can't believe you have been gone for 6 long but yet short months. This has been the longest but yet shortest 6 months of my life. I miss you so much. It isnt getting any easier knowing that you are no longer here with me. I sometimes wish to just be with you and leave this place, not that I would do anything to make that happen but I do wish that I could be with you to hear you laugh to hug you and to just spend time with you. as stupid as they may sound. LIfe is not going the way I had hoped it would. I am supposed to be happy and having a ton of fun being a crazy college student, but rather than that I am always stressed and sad, I hate it. Bri, why does life suck so much sometimes? I just dont understand. It's getting to the point where I dont want to go to church and I am putting my walls up and closing myself off to those around me. And yes I know what we have talked about when it comes to walls, I need to either build a door or make the walls weak enough for people to break through but....I dont think I can do that... Part of it is that i feel like i dont have any close friends here like I did in Arizona. I had you and Michael who I could tell anything to, medical and emotional, here I cant do that and it is really starting to bring me down. School os becoming more and more difficult and I just dont care to do it anymore. I have no motivation to do anything. I know that this is not how you or anyone else for that matter wants me to live bt this is the reality of my life. I didnt even watch all of conference. I felt like crap all weekend, Brian what do I do? I need your help!!!!
Love always,
Teasha
I can't believe you have been gone for 6 long but yet short months. This has been the longest but yet shortest 6 months of my life. I miss you so much. It isnt getting any easier knowing that you are no longer here with me. I sometimes wish to just be with you and leave this place, not that I would do anything to make that happen but I do wish that I could be with you to hear you laugh to hug you and to just spend time with you. as stupid as they may sound. LIfe is not going the way I had hoped it would. I am supposed to be happy and having a ton of fun being a crazy college student, but rather than that I am always stressed and sad, I hate it. Bri, why does life suck so much sometimes? I just dont understand. It's getting to the point where I dont want to go to church and I am putting my walls up and closing myself off to those around me. And yes I know what we have talked about when it comes to walls, I need to either build a door or make the walls weak enough for people to break through but....I dont think I can do that... Part of it is that i feel like i dont have any close friends here like I did in Arizona. I had you and Michael who I could tell anything to, medical and emotional, here I cant do that and it is really starting to bring me down. School os becoming more and more difficult and I just dont care to do it anymore. I have no motivation to do anything. I know that this is not how you or anyone else for that matter wants me to live bt this is the reality of my life. I didnt even watch all of conference. I felt like crap all weekend, Brian what do I do? I need your help!!!!
Love always,
Teasha
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