You were there.

Dear Brian,

Life is good for the most part. I had somewhat of a break down on Tuesday because at Institute the question of whats more important church or family came up and as you know I cant answer that question. So after class I broke down, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Do I go to church and make my family unhappy and fight them every single step of the way? Or do I stop fighting and give into what they want me to do? I know the second one isn't what most people would do but I am sick of fighting them, that's all i have done for the past 8 years is fight with my family about the church. I just dont know what to do.....


So, school is going well except for my History class, I cant seem to stay awake for some reason. I hate it! I love History its one of my favorite subjects and yet i sleep during class soooo annoying!

The boy department isn't really worth talking about.... I know I know, you want stories but I dont really have any for ya, sorry bud.

Anyways I found another song that reminds me of you, its called "You Were There" it's in the movie Simon Birch. Here are the lyrics:

Time passes, the world changes
But I'm still the same ole' kid
And your jokes still bring me laughter
As if you still were here
And it hurts
When I smile
'Cause my heart still remembers
When you were around

'Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
'Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

So precious, small treasures
A time when truth was innocent
True friendship, was all we were after
A place where kids could still be kids
And it hurts
But I'm glad
'Cause at least I was blessed
To have you as my friend

'Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
'Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

You're my best friend
And there are no accidents
God has a pland for everyone
And he brought you in my life
To show me what a true friend was

'Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
'Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

This song is so true, every joke that was made, every time we laughed every time we cried ever time we hund out is still a vivid memory and I can bring it to mind when ever i choose to which bring me such joy. I miss ya buddy! Life just doesnt seem the same without you here to talk to every night. I know I should move on and what not but it is so hard. You were my best friend and no one comes close to filling those shoes, and its not that I am not letting people, its that no one can do it at least not anyone I have met yet, unless they are hiding who they really are. I think about you almost daily and cant help but wish you were here. I love you Bri! I hope you always remember that. Without you coming into my life I wouldnt be who I am today, and I thank HEavenly Father daily for bring you into my life. Things dont just happen Hevenly FAther has a plan for all of us and I see that now. Because you opened my eye to it! LOve ya more then anyone will ever be able to understand.


Always Smile!
Love,
Teasha

5 months, and fitting songs.

Dear Brian,

Oh my how the past 5 months have flown by! I miss you so very much and I catch myself thinking of you all the time. I want to go back to Thanksgiving 2009 and just relive it over and over again.

So on Monday morning, I was sitting in bed doing homework listing to GAC, Great American Country, when the song I will not say Goodbye came on. I listened to it then hoped on my computer as fast as I could. These are the Lyrics:

Sometimes the road just ends
It changes everything you've been
And all that's left to be
Is empty, broken, lonely, hopin'
I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive everyday
I will shoulder the blame
I'll shout out your name

I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
Will not say goodbye
Will not say
ooooohhhhh

I heard it and my heart just sank. It was the 5 month anniversary of your death and this song fits how sooooo many of us are feeling about your passing. I just broke in to tears and posted it on facebook. Your mom saw it and commented. You will never know how loved and miss you truly are.

I cant stop listing to the song! I have it on repeat. It makes me feel closer to you which i know sounds crazy but its true. Brian, I know its not your fault and you fought as hard as you could but why did you have to leave? You were one of the only good things in my life. I love you and you just left. I didnt even get to say goodbye..... I wish you were here to talk to to laugh with and to hud and to spend tie with, I dont know what to do.... please help...

On a happier note I started College!!! I know right! I never thought I would be old enough to go to college, when I was little this seemed like it was so far away and now it here and its CRAZY!

Here is more about my classes:

Love my Study Skills teacher. He is sooo funny. He makes learning fun and worth while. If your wondering what study skills is, its a class to help you better transition from high school into college.

Gosh I hate math! It is the worst subject ever invented! My teacher does an amazing job but I just hate math! Who ever came up with it should die....oh wait! they probably are dead...and if they arent they are super old and thats kinda gross!

English! Oh how i love this class! I get to write whatever I want its amazing! And my teacher is a ton of fun!

History... I love this subject but I have only been to class once so... yeah nothing really to say about yet!


I wish you were here for me to talk to, I miss my best friend. I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore, yes i know I have Mia and someothers but talking to them will never be like talking to you, you understood me for who i am inside and out and no one else has yet to be able to do that.

Anyways, its time for class. I love ya!


Always Smile,
Love,
Always and Forever,
Teasha