Life goes on..........or does it?

Dear Brian,

I know you are probably looking down on me saying, "Teasha, life goes on. Keep living your life and move on and be happy." But I cant seem to do it. You were such an amazing person to me that I compare everyone to you. No one can every amount to what you became to me. You in my eyes were prefect> You never saw the bad even when I did. You were selfless when you should have been selfish, and I can't move on from that I have tried! It's been almost 4 months now, and I cant believe it. Sometimes its like you never were in my life and other it seems like you never left it. I know you want me to be happy and move on but I can't. Brian, you are the only reason I made it through 2009. You showed me the parts of myself that i kept hidden and didn't want anyone to see, why did you have to leave? Its making this so much harder. I feel like since you didnt get to do some of the things that I am doing that I shouldn't be able to live these experiences either. I know that it no way to live but I don't on how to live anymore. I put up fake front so people wont realize that I am in so much pain but as we both know my walls are going to fall and everyone will know the truth... I simply just dont know how to move forward.


Love,
Teasha