Remembering, Laughing, and Going On....

Dear Brian,

So lately I cant stop thinking about all the good times we shared together. I cant not think about how much we used to laugh with and at each other. As time goes on and you become more of a memory then anything I am able to laugh more and more about all the fun times we had together. Its not easy to think that you're not here to laugh with but it is becoming a little bit easier. can now make jokes that I know you would laugh at too. it is making it so much easier to be able to go on with my life. You still mean the world to me, but i think its time for me to go forward with my life. I am going to try to open up again and see what happens. I am going to closes my eyes and take a leap of faith.

I love you more then words can say. <3

Always Smile,
Teasha

4 months...

This picture was the last time I saw Brian.

Dear Brian,

Can you believe that you have been gone for 4 months?!?!? My goodness! How times flys! I mean that every day, hour, minute and second seem to drag on but the last 4 month just went by in the blink on an eye. I remember talking to you about everything, you knew me inside and out. I miss you bossing me around like we had known each other for forever and that you always knew best. Wow! I miss you more then I thought I would.

I found a song a couple of weeks ago and it reminded me of us. It called Tonight by FM Static. I mean we only went on one drive because we only saw each other twice but still. I dont know if you know the song so here are the lyrics:

FM STATIC LYRICS
"Tonight"
Send "Tonight" Ringtone to your Cell
I remember the times we spent together
All those drives, we had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York everything felt right
I wish you were here with me,
Tonight

I remember the days we spent together,
were not enough, it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late

I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus, and how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad, sometimes
Not having you here

I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

Every time I look up at the sky I think of you and when we said we were goin to fly to the moon together. Sometime I think you are up there waiting for me with a great big smile.

Bri, thank you so much for your testimony, and thank you for always sharing it with me. I know that when we got into deep spiritual talks I tended to get really quiet but I was always listening, you have helped me with my testimony so much. You never did let me fall. You were and still are my best friend. I hope all is well. Till next time. Love you Bri!

Love,
Tea

Life goes on..........or does it?

Dear Brian,

I know you are probably looking down on me saying, "Teasha, life goes on. Keep living your life and move on and be happy." But I cant seem to do it. You were such an amazing person to me that I compare everyone to you. No one can every amount to what you became to me. You in my eyes were prefect> You never saw the bad even when I did. You were selfless when you should have been selfish, and I can't move on from that I have tried! It's been almost 4 months now, and I cant believe it. Sometimes its like you never were in my life and other it seems like you never left it. I know you want me to be happy and move on but I can't. Brian, you are the only reason I made it through 2009. You showed me the parts of myself that i kept hidden and didn't want anyone to see, why did you have to leave? Its making this so much harder. I feel like since you didnt get to do some of the things that I am doing that I shouldn't be able to live these experiences either. I know that it no way to live but I don't on how to live anymore. I put up fake front so people wont realize that I am in so much pain but as we both know my walls are going to fall and everyone will know the truth... I simply just dont know how to move forward.


Love,
Teasha